


DEO Communications Chatroom

by zFzL4



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Memes, apparently i didnt learn from the last time i did this, chatfic, comedic purposes only, hank henshaw is jonn jonzz, hank made a terrible mistake, hope everyones ready for some prime fuckery, james hates life, kara and vasquez send too many memes, lena luthor is still a useless lesbian, maggie and alex are savages, the couple that roasts together stays together, this is not a serious fic, winn also hates life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15408966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zFzL4/pseuds/zFzL4
Summary: With the increasing numbers of extraterrestrial threats invading the planet, Director Henshaw made the decision to open up a chatroom for convenience of the DEO and its members.Big Mistake.





	1. the fuckery begins

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy. Here I go again.

**[HANK HENSHAW] opened chat [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[HANK HENSHAW] added [KARA DANVERS], [ALEX DANVERS], [WINN SCHOTT], [JAMES OLSEN], [AGENT VASQUEZ], and [MAGGIE SAWYER] to chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

WINN: Please no.

JAMES: Why?  
JAMES: _WHY?_  
JAMES: _WHY???????_

KARA: lol  
KARA: Come on guys, this is gonna be fun!

WINN: Like the last time?

JAMES: _Stop bringing it up!_

HENSHAW: Regardless of all your plans for this incarnation of the chat.  
HENSHAW: And despite everything I say falling on deaf ears.  
HENSHAW: This is a COMMUNICATION channel only!

WINN: So was the last one.  
WINN: Until Kara and Vasquez kept having meme wars and keeping me up until four in the morning.

VASQUEZ: No shame.

KARA: Hey, we didn't keep you up.  
KARA: That was totally voluntary on your part.

WINN: THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

HENSHAW: Enough.  
HENSHAW: Either use this chatroom as a form of emergency communication or don't use it at all.

ALEX: Or.  
ALEX: Use it for whatever you want and accept that it's going to be a shit show either way.

VASQUEZ: I like that idea better.

HENSHAW: People!  
HENSHAW: This organization is responsible for keeping the world safe from extra terrestrial threats!  
HENSHAW: This is not a place to goof off!

KARA: _Sureeeeee_ it isn't.

HENSHAW: Supergirl, I'm serious.

KARA: I know you are.

JAMES: Can we please just destroy this before it escalates?

HENSHAW: As much as I would like to.  
HENSHAW: We need some way to communicate with everyone.

WINN: Why not something less ridiculous?  
WINN: Like pagers.  
WINN: Pagers are cool.

ALEX: And so 1990s.

WINN: People still use them.

ALEX: Barely.

WINN: Actually, a recent study showed that they are still one of the most effective devices for communication, even with cell phones largely dominating the market.

VASQUEZ: 

KARA: I'm crying.

JAMES: _NO!_

HENSHAW: ...  
HENSHAW: I regret this decision.

ALEX: I warned you.

WINN: Can we just banish this chat into the depths of Hell where it belongs?

HENSHAW: Believe me, I want to.  
HENSHAW: But the DEO needs an effective way to communicate with each other.

JAMES: So why is Maggie here?

WINN: Yeah she's not in the DEO.

MAGGIE: It's cause I'm awesome.

HENSHAW: She's worked closely with us in the past.  
HENSHAW: Supergirl and Alex trust her so that's good enough for me.

MAGGIE: Yeah fuck you James.

JAMES: Fuck you too, Maggie.

ALEX: HEY!  
ALEX: WATCH IT!

JAMES: SHE STARTED IT!

ALEX: AND I'LL FINISH IT, PRETTY BOY!

JAMES: You see, this isn't fair.  
JAMES: How am I supposed to fight back when Maggie and Alex are just going to double team me?

MAGGIE: Easy.  
MAGGIE: You don't.  
MAGGIE: You just bend over and take it.

JAMES: ...  
JAMES: That's no fun.

ALEX: So bring Lucy in idgaf.

JAMES: She doesn't need this madness.

KARA: We're getting her in here one way or another.

JAMES: Don't.

WINN: Is it too late to resign?

HENSHAW: Yes.

WINN: Dammit.

VASQUEZ: Come on, what's the worst that can happen?

WINN: I could just jump off the balcony.

KARA: Then I'll just catch you ;)

WINN: I'd rather you didn't.

KARA: What good superhero would I be if I just let a man fall to his death?

WINN: You'd be a bad one because you're helping someone who doesn't want it.

KARA: Say what you want, you're not getting out of this that easily.

WINN: Please.

HENSHAW: I guess I should've known what I was getting into when I decided to reopen this.

JAMES: Why did you think this would go any better than the last time?

HENSHAW: I guess Kara's optimism rubbed off on me too much.

KARA: :)

ALEX: I think you're all overreacting just a tad.

VASQUEZ: 

 

**[HANK HENSHAW] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[JAMES OLSEN] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

WINN: NO, DON'T LEAVE ME!

KARA: lol this is going to be so much fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so, I love Supergirl, and due to the immensely positive reception I've received on my other chatfic, I've decided to branch out and go about making another. I kinda fell out of the loop with the show though, so I haven't gotten around to watching Season 3 and onward. Hopefully, I can get back into it before season 4 shows up.
> 
> So, Alex and Maggie are still together and everyone knows that Hank Henshaw is really J'onn J'onzz. Kara is still Supergirl, and everyone's going to know about it, even if they don't in the show. I'll probably get around to adding season 3 characters when I learn a bit more about them, but they'll be here! Eventually. Anyways, hope everyone enjoys this fuckery.


	2. national bully james and winn day

**[KARA DANVERS] added [LENA LUTHOR] to chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

HENSHAW: Kara!

KARA: What?

HENSHAW: This is for DEO Agents _only_!

KARA: Why can Alex have her girlfriend here but I can't?

HENSHAW: Maggie works with us!  
HENSHAW: Lena doesn't!

KARA: That's just because you don't give her the chance.

HENSHAW: ...

LENA: What is this?

WINN: What does it look like?

LENA: Sarcasm isn't a good look for you, Winn.

VASQUEZ: Nothing is a good look for Winn.

WINN: WHY?  
WINN: I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!

VASQUEZ: Have I ever done or said anything that would give you that impression?

WINN: WOW!

ALEX: Hey, is this roast Winn time?

WINN: Please don't.

VASQUEZ: Roast Winn time is all the time.

MAGGIE: True.

WINN: What have I done to deserve this?

VASQUEZ: Well, if you're asking.  
VASQUEZ: I could always remind you of the donuts.

WINN: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

ALEX: I TOLD YOU!  
ALEX: DON'T GET JELLY DONUTS!  
ALEX: VASQUEZ HATES JELLY!

WINN: SHE OVERREACTED!

MAGGIE: All she did was shoot the box with a plasma pistol.

WINN: Is that not overkill to you?

MAGGIE: You wouldn't believe some of the shit I've seen, kid.

HENSHAW: She ruined the rest of the donuts.

VASQUEZ: A casualty of war.

LENA: Is this what goes on when you're not out saving the city?

KARA: This goes on all the time!

ALEX: Honestly it's pretty tame compared to what we've done in the past.

MAGGIE: Yeah, I wonder if Winn's still afraid of sock puppets.

WINN: NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN!

LENA: I need to be brought up to speed with all these stories.

MAGGIE: Another time.

LENA: What better time than the present?

HENSHAW: Not now.

LENA: I thought you were all fun.  
LENA: Guess I was wrong.

MAGGIE: Reverse psychology isn't going to work here.  
MAGGIE: We've used it too many times.

LENA: It was worth a try.

HENSHAW: Kara, she really shouldn't be here.

KARA: Why not? :(

HENSHAW: This is a secret organization!  
HENSHAW: The things we discuss here aren't meant for normal civilians to know.

LENA: *Takes breath*  
LENA: The DEO hunts aliens.  
LENA: Kara is Supergirl.  
LENA: James is The Guardian.  
LENA: And you're a Martian disguised as the real Hank Henshaw.  
LENA: Who is now a modified murder weapon under the employ of my mother.

HENSHAW: ...

ALEX: Ha!

VASQUEZ: Those last two really weren't secrets though.

HENSHAW: How did you even?

LENA: Kara's not much for keeping secrets.

KARA: Sorry!

MAGGIE: Hey, that brings up a good point.  
MAGGIE: Where's James?

WINN: He keeps leaving the chat.  
WINN: I don't think he's over the last time yet.

VASQUEZ: Can't you just bring him back?

WINN: Do I have to?

ALEX: YES!

MAGGIE: DO IT!

WINN: ...Fine.

**[WINN SCHOTT] has added [JAMES OLSEN] to chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[JAMES OLSEN] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

KARA: Lmao.

ALEX: This is so good.

**[WINN SCHOTT] has added [JAMES OLSEN] to chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

JAMES: STOP FUCKING RE-ADDING ME TO THIS HELL!

WINN: I'm just following orders.

JAMES: WELL, STOP!

WINN: I'm contractually obligated to do what I'm told.

JAMES: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS SHIT SHOW!

ALEX: lol James is triggered.

MAGGIE: Who shit in your cereal this morning?

JAMES: ALL OF YOU!

ALEX: Disagree.

VASQUEZ: Yeah I think I would've remembered doing that.

WINN: I don't think you'd remember anything about last night.

HENSHAW: Yes, maybe the employee after-party was a bad idea.

VASQUEZ: It was the best idea you've had in a while.

MAGGIE: Idk I think the employee discipline ruling was the best

HENSHAW: Hitting our employees with night sticks when they do something wrong is not what I had in mind.

MAGGIE: Then aren't you glad you have around to improve upon that rule?

HENSHAW: The more time I spend around all of you, the more I wish I never left Mars.

KARA: Aww but you love us!

HENSHAW: Don't bet on it.

LENA: _I_ love you, Kara  <3

KARA: <3

ALEX: @MAGGIE <3

MAGGIE: <3

JAMES: This is so gay.

MAGGIE: That was the point.

WINN: What?  
WINN: Does no one love me?

VASQUEZ: Nope.

MAGGIE: Nada.

ALEX: Not even a little.

WINN: ...  
WINN: Why do I deserve this again?

KARA: Come on, Winn.  
KARA: It's all in good fun.

WINN: I don't consider being personally attacked constantly fun.

ALEX: Killjoy.

VASQUEZ: Fine, let's go after James then.

LENA: @VASQUEZ  
LENA: I know that we barely know each other but just know that you're my new favorite person.

VASQUEZ: I have that effect on people.

KARA: More favorite than me? :'(

LENA: OF COURSE NOT!  
LENA: ILY!!!

KARA: ILY!

MAGGIE: Alright, where's James?  
MAGGIE: My roast senses are tingling.

JAMES: I'm pretending that I don't exist.

ALEX: Stop pretending and make it a reality.

JAMES: ...

LENA: Aw, come on.  
LENA: That's mean.

MAGGIE: Well yeah, it's supposed to be.

JAMES: You're all such children.

ALEX: Meh.

VASQUEZ: I've been called worse.

JAMES: I'm resisting the urge to lash out even more.

MAGGIE: Yeah, what would Lucy think?

JAMES: She'd think that engaging with any of you is pointless.

ALEX: Engaging?  
ALEX: Sorry James, I'm spoken for.

JAMES: _THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!_

MAGGIE: Hands off, Olsen.  
MAGGIE: You wouldn't want me to go Super Saiyan on you.  
MAGGIE: Again.

VASQUEZ: Ouch.

KARA: No, not again.  
KARA: I'm still emotionally scarred from last time.

JAMES: _I FUCKING HATE YOU!_

MAGGIE: Love you too, buddy.

HENSHAW: Is it too much to ask for a little more professionalism here?

ALEX: Yup.

MAGGIE: Pretty much.

WINN: I still don't know what you were thinking when you opened this up again.

HENSHAW: Apparently, I really don't either.

LENA: Why wasn't I added to this sooner?

KARA: I was afraid J'onn would get mad at first.

HENSHAW: Who's saying I'm not mad now?

KARA: Yeah.  
KARA: But you're less mad.

HENSHAW: Not really.

MAGGIE: Can't be as mad as James is rn.

JAMES: I just want you to disappear.

ALEX: Like your hairline?

JAMES: ...

**[JAMES OLSEN] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

VASQUEZ: I'm dying.

LENA: You two are brutal.

MAGGIE: Is that wrong?

LENA: Not at all.  
LENA: I love it!

ALEX: Lol I'm so glad that you're here.  
ALEX: Finally someone appreciates our genius.

WINN: I appreciate it.

MAGGIE: Yeah, but no one appreciates you.

WINN: :(

KARA: Maggie, be nice to Winn.  
KARA: He's been through a lot.

MAGGIE: ...Fine.

WINN: :)

ALEX: James is still fair game though, right?

KARA: Yup!

ALEX: Awesome.

HENSHAW: This was a mistake.

MAGGIE: Too late now.  
MAGGIE: Now you're stuck with it.

WINN: I could always just close it.

VASQUEZ: DO IT AND YOU DIE!

ALEX: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, SCHOTT!

WINN: NO YOU DON'T, I MOVED!

ALEX: GOING ACROSS THE HALL ISN'T MOVING!

WINN: FUCK!

HENSHAW: I'm shaking my head in disapproval.

LENA: I, on the other hand, could not be more amused.

MAGGIE: Just wait.  
MAGGIE: It's only gonna get better.

LENA: I'm so excited for this!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are going to be longer, so don't freak out. Once I get the main core of characters in, we'll be looking at an excessive amount of fuckery. And for those wondering, don't worry. Sam'll be here soon too.


	3. more people more problems

KARA: Okay, this chat is starting to get a little bland.

MAGGIE: Wtf do you mean?

VASQUEZ: Yeah, are we boring you or something?

KARA: No!  
KARA: That's not what I meant.  
KARA: I just meant that we could use some more people.

ALEX: How many more people do you need?

KARA: I'm just saying!

LENA: You'd have a decent amount of people if James would stop leaving the chat like a scared baby.

JAMES: Don't start with me.

MAGGIE: At least he's here rn.

JAMES: I'm only here because Winn hacked my phone and disabled the leave chat option.

WINN: You left me no choice.  
WINN: I wasn't suffering through this by myself.

JAMES: I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

MAGGIE: Well, suck it up cause you're here to stay now.

JAMES: I hate this.

LENA: Don't act like this isn't the most entertaining thing you've done in the last ten years.

JAMES: ...  
JAMES: Shut up.

LENA: Called it.

KARA: See, we can all bond over roasting James.

JAMES: What have I ever done to deserve this?

KARA: Let's start with rejecting me.

JAMES: Kara...

KARA: Nah I'm over it  
KARA: Now I've got the absolute GREATEST girlfriend ever!

LENA: <3

KARA: <3

VASQUEZ: Gay.

LENA: Duh.

WINN: I'm just glad the bullying towards me has stopped.

VASQUEZ: It really hasn't.

ALEX: Yeah you're just not good enough to be made fun of anymore.

WINN: ...  
WINN: Why are you all like this?

MAGGIE: It's part of my contract.

WINN: I doubt that.

MAGGIE: Whatever.

KARA: Okay, so I'm adding more people!

**[KARA DANVERS] added [SAM ARIAS] to chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[KARA DANVERS] added [LUCY LANE] to chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[KARA DANVERS] added [MON-EL] to chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[KARA DANVERS] added [CAT GRANT] to chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

JAMES: PLEASE GOD NO!

MAGGIE: K two things.  
MAGGIE: One, fuck you Mon-El.  
MAGGIE: Two, why add the Queen of all Media to this shit show?

MON-EL: Nice to see you too, Maggie.

CAT: What Queen would I be if I wasn't a part of the most exclusive group chat in National City?

WINN: It's really not exclusive at this point.

HENSHAW: _KARA!_  
HENSHAW: _I SAID NO ADDING PEOPLE!_

KARA: Oops, I forgot!

HENSHAW: You can't hear me, but I'm sighing.

KARA: Actually, I can.  
KARA: Super hearing and all.  
KARA: :)

HENSHAW: ...  
HENSHAW: Why did I do this to myself?

WINN: That's a great question.  
WINN: Maybe you should answer it one day.

SAM: OMG finally!  
SAM: I've been waiting for like a week for you to add me in here!

HENSHAW: YOU TOLD HER TOO?

KARA: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

JAMES: WINN PLEASE LET ME LEAVE!

WINN: No.

JAMES: I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT PAIN AND SUFFERING!

WINN: Gotta dig a little deeper than that.  
WINN: I'm already buried up to my neck in both of those things.

VASQUEZ: Wimp.

WINN: Fuck off.

MAGGIE: Fuck on.

WINN: I hope you die a horrible death.

VASQUEZ: Don't we all?

LUCY: What is this and why haven't I been added to it sooner?

KARA: It's a group chat!  
KARA: Full of all of our friends and fellow employees.  
KARA: And then James.

JAMES: ...

MAGGIE: Lmao.

LUCY: Get rekted, James.

JAMES: Not you too.

LUCY: Sorry, couldn't help myself.

SAM: I like her!

VASQUEZ: You're not going to try and take over the DEO again, are you?

LUCY: I hope not.

VASQUEZ: That doesn't reassure me.

LUCY: I'm kidding.  
LUCY: I don't think my father ever wants to come back there.  
LUCY: Especially not after what Winn did to his popcorn.

WINN: I wasn't the one who swapped the butter with chili powder.

LUCY: It doesn't matter.

SAM: This is going to be so much fun!

ALEX: Just don't try and destroy the world again.

SAM: I'll keep my worldkiller tendencies suppressed for the time being.

ALEX: Much appreciated.

MON-EL: So, what's a group chat?

WINN: This.

MON-EL: We didn't have these on Daxam.

MAGGIE: Prob because Daxam sucks.

MON-EL: WOW!

VASQUEZ: Not to mention that it's a bunch of dust floating around in space.

MON-EL: I JUST GOT HERE!  
MON-EL: STOP ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS!

MAGGIE: Lol nah.

HENSHAW: Should we really be discussing these things with a civilian in the chat?

CAT: Are you talking about me?

HENSHAW: Possibly.

CAT: Don't trouble yourself, my martian friend.  
CAT: None of this is a secret to me.

HENSHAW: How?

CAT: I'm the Queen of National City.  
CAT: You wouldn't believe the things I've learned.

HENSHAW: ...  
HENSHAW: I'm just going to not say anything else.

MAGGIE: Promise?

SAM: Maggie, you're ruthless.

MAGGIE: It's all part of being a police officer.

LENA: Quick check on James!

VASQUEZ: Yeah we haven't personally degraded him in almost twenty seconds.  
VASQUEZ: Where is he?

JAMES: Doing shots of bleach.

WINN: Same some for me.

JAMES: No.

WINN: After all I've done for you.

LUCY: James, calm down.  
LUCY: It's all just a joke.

JAMES: It's not.  
JAMES: At all.  
JAMES: This has been happening for a week with no signs of stopping anytime soon.

KARA: This is just how we show you how much we love you!

MON-EL: Is insulting someone like this a custom of affection on Earth?  
MON-EL: It's done a lot differently on Daxam.

VASQUEZ: No one cares.

MAGGIE: Yeah in case you haven't noticed, Daxam blew up because it was so inferior.

MON-EL: I DON'T DESERVE THIS FROM ALL OF YOU!

SAM: Lol I've been here for five minutes and this is already my favorite thing ever.

LENA: Just wait, it gets better.

KARA: Yeah, wait until Winn starts getting so fed up with us that he starts hacking into our personal files.  
KARA: That part's really fun!

MON-EL: That sounds like the exact opposite of fun.

ALEX: What would you know about fun?

MAGGIE: Yeah Daxamites don't know how to have fun.  
MAGGIE: They just know how to die in a fiery inferno.

MON-EL: What did I actually do to you to deserve this?

MAGGIE: Exist.

VASQUEZ: Burn.

SAM: I'm fucking choking on my drink.

ALEX: The worst part is when Winn decides to send everything he finds in the group chat.

MAGGIE: Stop.

VASQUEZ: Yeah seriously.  
VASQUEZ: I didn't need to know about Kara and Lena's antics in bed.

LENA: You're just jealous.

VASQUEZ: I am the furthest thing from jealous.

KARA: In our defense, we really only did it twice.

VASQUEZ: _I CAN NEVER LOOK AT MEATLOAF THE SAME AGAIN!_

KARA: Stop kinkshaming us!

VASQUEZ: K I N K S H A M I N G I S M Y K I N K

LENA: *Screaming*

SAM: OMG I CAN'T ANYMORE!  
SAM: I JUST GOT HERE AND I'M ALREADY IN TEARS LAUGHING!

LUCY: Same.

CAT: You can hack into as many of my personal files as you want.  
CAT: I think what you find will frighten you more than it would me.

WINN: ...

HENSHAW: ...

JAMES: ...

MAGGIE: I totally wanna see it.

VASQUEZ: Okay good I'm not the only one.

ALEX: Seriously why did we not add Cat to chat the second it opened?

MAGGIE: Prob because J'onn over here really thought he was going to keep it as a confidential, DEO members only chat.

HENSHAW: There's no need to remind me of my failures.

CAT: Failure breeds success.

HENSHAW: Don't start.

SAM: This is the greatest thing I've ever been a part of.

ALEX: Honestly it's not even that good right now.

VASQUEZ: A lot of the really fun stuff happens at like two in the morning when everyone's exhausted or drunk.

MAGGIE: Yeah the chat really blows up at that point.  
MAGGIE: Not as much as Daxam did though.

MON-EL: Don't fucking...  
MON-EL: OMG YOU ACTUALLY DID!  
MON-EL: WHY?  
MON-EL: WHY DO I DESERVE IT?

MAGGIE: It's either you or James and I think James already killed himself.

JAMES: Wrong.  
JAMES: Unfortunately.

VASQUEZ: Wow he can't even kill himself right

ALEX: "Hello, Suicide Prevention Hotline, I did it wrong."

HENSHAW: Well, this took a turn.

ALEX: Yeah that might've been a little much.

JAMES: This chat is too much in general.

MAGGIE: You're having fun, admit it.

JAMES: I am not.

VASQUEZ: We can change that.

JAMES: Don't.

KARA: Come on, James lighten up!

JAMES: No.

MAGGIE: If you listen closely, you can hear James' sanity breaking.  
MAGGIE: A lot like his father's camera.

ALEX: OH  
ALEX: SHIT

VASQUEZ: BOOM ROASTED!

JAMES: THAT'S IT!

WINN: HEY, WHAT THE FUCK?

JAMES: WHICH OF THESE BUTTONS IS IT?  
JAMES: I'M HACKING INTO MY PHONE AND ENABLING THE LEAVE BUTTON AGAIN!

WINN: THIS IS _MY_ COMPUTER!

JAMES: I DON'T CARE!

WINN: ...  
WINN: NO JAMES NOT THAT ONE!

**[WINN SCHOTT] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[JAMES OLSEN] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[KARA DANVERS] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[ALEX DANVERS] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[HANK HENSHAW] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[MAGGIE SAWYER] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

**[AGENT VASQUEZ] left chatroom [DEO COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL]**

SAM: ...

LENA: ...

CAT: ...

MON-EL: ...

LUCY: So...  
LUCY: That just happened.

SAM: What did he do?

LENA: Judging by the loud explosion I just heard, he probably just blew up half the city.

LUCY: ...  
LUCY: What?

LENA: I'm kidding.  
LENA: He probably just activated the EMP or something.

SAM: They have an EMP?

LENA: They have everything.

MON-EL: Apparently except working phones.

CAT: At least they have a working planet.

SAM: HA!

LUCY: Ouch, that one hurt.

MON-EL: ...  
MON-EL: How do I leave?

LENA: You'll never find out.

MON-EL: And here I thought we could be friends.

CAT: You were very sadly mistaken.

LENA: Yeah seriously who do you think we are?

MON-EL: Now I just think that you're all a bunch of bullies.

SAM: We're not even the bad ones.

LUCY: Yeah, be thankful Maggie and Alex are gone.

MON-EL: ...  
MON-EL: Why did I agree to join this?

SAM: Probably because you have literally nothing better to do.

MON-EL: ...

LENA: That's a yes.

CAT: I think I'm going to enjoy myself here.

LUCY: You and I both.

SAM: So, are they coming back or what?

LENA: Eventually.  
LENA: Whenever Winn manages to fix whatever James broke.

MON-EL: I hope they don't come back.

LENA: Funny, because we all said the same about you.

SAM: BOOM!

MON-EL: ...  
MON-EL: You're a bunch of bullies.

LENA: That's the idea.

MON-EL: I'm telling Kara.

LENA: Be my guest.  
LENA: She's going to be on my side regardless.

MON-EL: This isn't fair.

LUCY: Deal with it.


	4. maggie and alex are literally goals

KARA: We're back!

SAM: Yay!

KARA: But so is James.

SAM: Boo.

LENA: Fuck off James.

JAMES: I would love nothing more.  
JAMES: But WINN STILL WON'T LET ME LEAVE!

WINN: After what you did to the HQ, you should be happy that I'm even allowing you near my computer again.

JAMES: YOU'RE LUCKY THAT KARA STOPPED ME OTHERWISE IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE!

MAGGIE: Empty threats mean nothing around here.

JAMES: It's not empty.  
JAMES: I can and will kill you.

MAGGIE: One hundred percent false but good fucking luck.

JAMES: You do know that I'm a black belt, right?

MAGGIE: And I'm a trained police officer with a badass government agent girlfriend.  
MAGGIE: But, if you still think you stand a chance, go right the fuck ahead.

ALEX: Yeah Guardian, hit me with your best shot.

JAMES: ...  
JAMES: I'm going to jump off a bridge.

VASQUEZ: Take pics.

LUCY: James, really.  
LUCY: Relax.  
LUCY: It's all in good fun.

JAMES: When do _I_ get to start having fun?

LENA: Trick question.  
LENA: You don't know what fun is.

JAMES: I know that it's the farthest thing from this.

CAT: Wimp.

JAMES: Ms. Grant, I don't think I deserve this from you.

CAT: I'm just sticking with the majority here, James.  
CAT: It's not reflective of my personal feelings.

JAMES: That doesn't make me feel any better.

WINN: Maybe if you'd man up, you'd have a bit more fun.

JAMES: Who's telling who to man up?  
JAMES: This is coming from the same guy who cried in a corner for an hour because his favorite TV show was cancelled?

WINN: _LISTEN!_

SAM: LMAO!

ALEX: Oh yeah, I remember that.  
ALEX: I think Kara cried too.

KARA: _I DID NOT!_

LENA: Yes, you did.

KARA: !!!  
KARA: LENA WHY?

LENA: Come on, I thought it was cute.

KARA: I think you're cute ;)

LENA: <3

WINN: Stop with the gay.

LENA: Never.

VASQUEZ: Come on, they're cute.

LENA: Thanks Vasquez.

VASQUEZ: That's what I'm here for.

MON-EL: Other than personally attacking James and I?

VASQUEZ: That's not entirely my job.  
VASQUEZ: Everyone else contributes.

MAGGIE: Fuck you, Mon-El.

MON-EL: What have I ever actually done to deserve this?

MAGGIE: Honestly prob nothing.  
MAGGIE: It's just funny to rip into you like this.

MON-EL: Why does everyone hate me?

ALEX: Not everyone.

VASQUEZ: Yeah we all like you more than James, at least.

JAMES: Fucking...

SAM: Aw come on, I like James.

LENA: You've only met him like twice.

SAM: He seemed like a good enough guy.

JAMES: At least someone appreciates me.

MAGGIE: That's just an act.

ALEX: Yeah in reality he's an uptight jerk.

JAMES: Am not.

VASQUEZ: Are too.

JAMES: Am not.

VASQUEZ: Are too.

WINN: Are you guys like five?

VASQUEZ: Might as well be.

JAMES: I'm not an uptight jerk.

VASQUEZ: 

SAM: HAHAHA!

MAGGIE: Yeah come on, James.  
MAGGIE: The baseball incident is still fresh on all of our minds.

JAMES: _LISTEN!_  
JAMES: _I SAID THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY!_

KARA: THAT POOR KID!

JAMES: I SAID I WAS SORRY!

KARA: YOU SHOULD BE!  
KARA: HE WAS CRYING FOR SIX HOURS!

MAGGIE: James is a bad person.

JAMES: Fuck off, Sawyer.

CAT: Is this really what you do in between your heroic antics?

VASQUEZ: Basically.

LENA: Honestly Vasquez, you're the one I expect this from the least.

VASQUEZ: I stare at computer monitors for twenty hours a day.  
VASQUEZ: You start to crack after a while.

SAM: Do you at least get breaks?

VASQUEZ: Haha no.

HENSHAW: Yes you do.  
HENSHAW: You get as many breaks as you want.

VASQUEZ: ...

WINN: Are you being for real right now?

VASQUEZ: ...Um...

WINN: Vasquez...  
WINN: _You've been there longer than any of us..._

VASQUEZ: LOOK!

HENSHAW: Are you serious?  
HENSHAW: It said so in your contract.

VASQUEZ: WHO READS CONTRACTS?

CAT: I.

LENA: Same.

WINN: I does.

VASQUEZ: NO ONE ASKED YOU!

WINN: Well, technically you did.

VASQUEZ: SHUT UP!

LUCY: Okay, for real.  
LUCY: How can you all save the world if you can't even read a sheet of paper?

VASQUEZ: THERE WERE MORE LIKE FIFTY THOUSAND SHEETS OF PAPER!

LUCY: Not the point I was trying to make.

HENSHAW: I find myself asking that question a lot more nowadays.

KARA: Well, I have super powers so that kinda helps :)

LUCY: Sometimes.

KARA: ?

LUCY: Don't play dumb with me, Kara.  
LUCY: I haven't forgotten what you did to my car.

KARA: HEY!  
KARA: IN MY DEFENSE, I DIDN'T KNOW THE EXTENT OF MY STRENGTH YET!

LUCY: THAT WAS MY FAVORITE CAR!

KARA: IT WASN'T EVEN YOURS!  
KARA: IT WAS THE ARMY'S!

LUCY: BUT I DROVE IT!  
LUCY: AND IT WAS MY BABY AND YOU KILLED HIM!

KARA: I SAID I WAS SORRY :(

LUCY: I'M STILL UPSET!

JAMES: All in good fun, huh?

LUCY: Shut your mouth.

WINN: Come on, we're not that bad.

LUCY: Debatable.  
LUCY: I've seen how you operate.

VASQUEZ: We've gotten better.

LUCY: If that's what you believe.

CAT: Even the best organizations have their flaws.  
CAT: But your weakest link makes you stronger.

MAGGIE: What are you reading off an inspirational calendar or something?

CAT: ...No.

ALEX: The weakest link doesn't always make you stronger, though.

VASQUEZ: Yeah, look at James.

JAMES: Fuck you.

HENSHAW: Can we stop with the insults?  
HENSHAW: It's bad for morale.

ALEX: Fuck your morale.

MAGGIE: Fuck you too, James.  
MAGGIE: And, for emphasis, fuck you Mon-El.

MON-EL: Why though?

MAGGIE: Cause.

LENA: Is this how the DEO crumbles?

ALEX: God I wish.

LUCY: Please.  
LUCY: I'm pretty sure that organization could start killing each other and still not break up.

VASQUEZ: She's not wrong.

KARA: Yeah, we survived the Halloween party from last year!

ALEX: After that, we can make it through everything.

WINN: _NO MORE TALKING!_

MAGGIE: I still have no idea what you were thinking.

WINN: _I WASN'T!_

SAM: When are you all gonna catch me up on these stories?

MAGGIE: If you're lucky.  
MAGGIE: Never.

SAM: :(

HENSHAW: There are just some things that are better kept as secrets.

ALEX: Like James' hentai collection.

JAMES: !!!!

VASQUEZ: That's not a secret though.

WINN: Wait, what?

CAT: Ew.

LENA: James...  
LENA: You've got to be kidding me.

JAMES: STOP GOING THROUGH MY STUFF YOU FUCKING HEATHEN!

MAGGIE: WHO'S CALLING WHO A HEATHEN?  
MAGGIE: WHICH ONE OF US HAS THE STACK OF HENTAI IN THEIR CLOSET?  
MAGGIE: I CAN HEAR JESUS CONDEMNING YOU TO HELL FROM HERE.

KARA: Me too.  
KARA: But I have the super hearing.

VASQUEZ: No, I don't want him in Hell with me.

HENSHAW: How can you possibly know if you're going to Hell at this point in your life?

VASQUEZ: I'VE BEEN THROUGH SOME SHIT, DIRECTOR.

ALEX: If you think that's bad, don't even get me started on his fanfiction.

JAMES: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!

ALEX: TRY ME, HOE!

JAMES: I'LL FUCKING HURT YOU!

MAGGIE: IF YOU WANT HER, YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME!

JAMES: I'M TAKING AT LEAST ONE OF YOU DOWN WITH ME!

ALEX: WITH WHAT?  
ALEX: THAT DILDO SWORD YOU HIDE UNDER YOUR BED?

WINN: Oh, I'm gonna puke.

VASQUEZ: Wait, why the fuck do you have a dildo sword?

CAT: _This conversation needs to stop immediately._

JAMES: CAN YOU STOP GOING THROUGH MY STUFF?

ALEX: NO!  
ALEX: YOUR BUSINESS IS EVERYONE'S BUSINESS!

JAMES: I'M COMING FOR YOU, DANVERS.

ALEX: BRING IT, BITCH!

**[JAMES OLSEN] left chatroom [STOP CHANGING THE CHAT NAME PLEASE]**

**[ALEX DANVERS] left chatroom [STOP CHANGING THE CHAT NAME PLEASE]**

**[MAGGIE SAWYER] left chatroom [STOP CHANGING THE CHAT NAME PLEASE]**

**[MAGGIE SAWYER] entered chatroom [STOP CHANGING THE CHAT NAME PLEASE]**

**[MAGGIE SAWYER] changed chatroom name to [FUCKING MAKE ME BITCH]**

**[MAGGIE SAWYER] has left chatroom [FUCKING MAKE ME BITCH]**

SAM: I'm fucking crying.

HENSHAW: ...

WINN: ...

LENA: ...

VASQUEZ: ...  
VASQUEZ: Hey, Lane?  
VASQUEZ: Is that dildo sword yours?

LUCY: _NO!_

CAT: Why was I forced to be a part of this?

MON-EL: Why were any of us forced to be a part of this?

HENSHAW: Why did I ever come back?  
HENSHAW: I should've just let the real Hank Henshaw kill me.

KARA: I hear things breaking.

VASQUEZ: I'm not helping.

HENSHAW: It doesn't matter.  
HENSHAW: It won't stop until someone's dead.

VASQUEZ: Hoping that it's James.

LENA: ...Wow.

VASQUEZ: I'm obviously kidding.

LENA: I really can't even tell with you anymore.

WINN: I'm gonna just activate the sentry bots.

HENSHAW: Might as well.  
HENSHAW: Can't be much worse than it is.

VASQUEZ: I disagree.

HENSHAW: Get back to your post.

VASQUEZ: Haha no.

SAM: I fucking love this chat so much.


End file.
